Throwing caution to the wind after the humiliating failure of TED, UAL has created a new low cost carrier targeted to the niche of passengers are who do not complain about the lack of legroom available on their airlines. Fetal Air, which will launch service between Chicago and Gary, Indiana, has a six minute inaugural flight in which the unique selling proposition will be no legroom whatsoever. Each seat is directly abutted against the one in front of it, allowing the usual 330 configuration to expand to 963 seats. “We’re targeting the immense market of flexible travelers,” said a United Spokesperson. “To facilitate Mother Nature calls,” he said, “We installed a little track on the aisle that allows passengers to roll to the restrooms. Word is out that they are also considering making oxygen optional for a $25 fee after it was discovered that nearly all passengers on the Chicago-Gary service held their breath for the full term of the flight.
(Remember, this “news” is published in the spirit of April Fools Day 2016, which is today.)